Easiest sauce ever

When you have a large family like I do, six kids ages 2 to fifteen, you sometimes insist on allowing inspiration to creep in at the very last minute. Standing in the kitchen gazing into empty space, your core knows a table filled with splendor is in order, your kids, your family's memories, are deserving of your best. You are so glad that during your last trip to the grocery store you indeed grabbed two pounds each of ground beef and ground pork. You stuck them in the back of your fridge, not your freezer, because you just knew from past experience that if all else fails, whipping this up couldn't fill plates any easier. I mean, browning beef and pork together, with a previously diced onion of any size, like child's play, right? Draining the hell out of it with paper towels (never pour grease down a drain!), hot and potentially dangerous, but certainly doable. It's the mixing in of two jars of Giada's Creamy Tomato sauce (available only at Target) that gets you every time, I'd suppose. The noodles? Well if al dente goes by any other name than PERFECT, I'd like to know.