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Tonight I'm making Pasta al Forno, otherwise known as baked pasta with tomatoes and mozzarella. It is easy to pull together (requires mincing 2 garlic cloves finely), and not much more than a 28 oz can of petite diced tomatoes paired with oregano, basil, salt, and pepper. Plus cheese, don't ask. The 5 lb bag of shredded Stella at Sam's Club is AMAZING, and the wedge of Parmesan you keep in your fridge at all times is so gonna be your new best friend. Don't mock her. Find some pasta, and know, I'm literally praying for a good penne to be in my pantry as we speak, but any tubular will do. Slice that waiting loaf of whole grain bread lengthwise, slather on softened butter, sprinkle with garlic powder, wrap in foil...400 degrees for about 15 minutes, or longer.

Buy up

Already organizing for the school year, I want it to go smoothly, meal-wise anyway. Requires stocking up on 5 lbs ground beef, oh, any ratio you please. It's not like this is my meatball post, praising four different styles to serve them, wherein I'd go lean. Oh and don't forget 4 whole pounds of ground pork, yes we're stocking up for four potential meals with tomato-based sauces, all that meat (9 lbs!) goin' in the freezer. It's a month until the start of the school year, I repeat.

Don't follow my directions

I leave things out, like always pre-toasting your panko for instance, especially when stuffing your jalapeños. It's not like you can link to every recipe in the universe, when relying on your new favorite cookbook, it's complicated. On the one hand, you don't want to go so far as to steal recipes from copyrighted sources, but at the same time you want those ingredient combos in your memory bank, for like forever. It's not always obvious to everyone that 6 oz light shredded cheddar can combine with 4 oz Neufchâtel, 2 finely chopped scallions, 2 tsp lime juice, 1 tsp chili powder, 1/2 tsp salt...bake at 350 for 15-20 minutes. Only a true psychopath would forget to stuff the cheese mixture into the jalapeños, or print up all of my recipes and pay the postage to send them to birth parents and recipe enthusiasts alike. With a rather large "see, I'm the good daughter you've always wanted" desperate cry for validation printed all over it. Yeah, don't.

Comfort Food Makeovers

One week away from departure and I HAVE to make these mozzerella sticks. Combining 1/4 cup flour with 3/4 tsp garlic powder and 1/8 tsp cayenne pepper is a breeze, according to America's Test Kitchen. Whisking 2 egg whites until foamy seems to be a commonly preferred method, and filling a third dish with 1 cup panko, 1/2 tsp basil, 1/4 tsp oregano, and 1/4 tsp salt is my new tried-and-true. Dipping 2-in lengths of mozzerella sticks in all three, old hat if you ask me, it's the freezing for 30-minutes before baking at 475 for 8-10 minutes that hadn't occurred to me at all.

Panko crumbs galore!

It's a wonderful lesson for my children as they watch their cousins tweet away, unfiltered, creative and free. That's what youth is all about these days, is it not? Which is why they are not allowed to have cellphones. Panko-crusted chicken nuggets on the other hand, totally accepted fare in our conservative household. It's funny, one moment you're marinating very specifically cut chicken breasts in 2 T Worcestershire, 2 t onion powder, 1/2 t each of garlic powder and salt, and 1/4 t pepper. Thirty minutes later you're patting dry said nuggets, dredging them in 1/2 c flour, 3 egg whites whisked until foamy, and 2 c panko crumbs (pre toasted for 10-12 min at 475) mixed with 1 T canola oil. Ultimately, baking them on a wire rack at 475 for another 10-12 min. Recipes like these are not only healthy, but provide that schadenfreude you'd been missing your whole entire life, 'lil nuggets of karma. Much less vulgar and arrogant though.

Diff'rent strokes

If you're the type to Christmas shop all-year round, finding security in a gift closet filled with perfect things for everyone, well, take pride. That kind of foresight will get you far in life, it might even win over relatives and close friends, but mostly it just makes you look good. Prepared for all of life's disasters and uh-oh's is a good place to be in the scope of things. Something to strive for, definitely. On the other hand, if you just wander into libraries hoping to find perfect books on non-fiction new release shelves, only faintly wondering what it is you have against all other genres, but mostly fiction, you'll likely conclude two things. One, that a busy, fulfilled mom like yourself (unless you're a gay male masquerading as a straight husband, then please, excuse me) values non-fiction truth over fantasies written by strangers, talented though they may be. And two, no time. I mean, I would probably LOVE to get lost in a novel-that-everyone's-reading as much as anyone, if I had the time someday and gave it a chance. But instead, I'm stuck loving the hell out of whatever America's Test Kitchen's latest offering is...even if it IS Comfort Food Makeovers involving substitutions like Greek yogurt and lower fat cheeses that make all that deliciousness possible. Yum and AMEN!

Condemnation and a cure

A sentence of six months in prison over the course of six years, a husband and wife will alternate serving March and Septembers. A faith healing family who prayed for the the cure, lost their daughter to diabetes, prolonged high blood sugar over weeks, probably fueled with fluids laced with sugar. Not everyone can consume 15 grams of carbohydrates and supply a unit of insulin to cover it. Probably sees insulin, like all doctors, as a false idol, or something. Best news ever, however, scientists at Boston's Children's Hospital have figured out the molecular pathway where the immune response occurs that attacks the beta cells that produce the insulin, and results in juvenile diabetes. Other research promises to the nth degree without guaranteeing, that a vaccine will be developed to prevent this childhood atrocity from even happening. The disease CAN be reversed, the beta cells can be reborn, it's a miracle of science beyond comprehension. Spread the Word, and thank our Lord.